WARNING !!

This post IS NOT FOR YOU if you are looking to read MORE about the current COVID-19 pandemic. It is a lighter side note. A bit of levity at a time that feels uncertain, chaotic and almost surreal. So if being light will piss you off — stop reading. If I wanted to piss you off, I have better ways to do that. Just ask yelp.

Over the last 2 weeks, unless you are my dog Ziggy, you may have noticed that everyone on the INTERWEBS has decided to give us “their take” on COVID-19. Suddenly planet Earth is saturated with resident experts in the field of novel mutant animal to human virus strains scourging the earth, thanks to the University of Implied Sciences AKA any social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, Google, TikTok, etc. Fortunately for you, I’m not going to throw my hat in the ring and regurgitate the information you already know. There is nothing that you will read here that will further inform you of what you have heard and read a billion times before.

That however will not stop me from blathering on about other things. Ahem…..

What I’ve Learned In The Last Week Of Quarantine

One learns a lot about oneself in the setting of a government mandated quarantine. Here are some of the highlights.

• Dinners at home are a “clothes-optional” event. And by that I mean PAJAMAS people.
• Eyebrow threading is not considered an essential business activity nor is it an aesthetic emergency.
• PAJAMAS are an acceptable, if not permanent, alternative attire to anything.
• There should be better filters on Zoom, if one must video conference at 8 am
• A dog can get shin splints from being excessively walked and can willfully collapse in the middle of the street in protest.
• No one knows what a 6 foot distance is.
• Day drinking officially begins when you wake up.
• An elastic waist band on your pants is merely a suggestion.
• The “faux” face mask continues to entertain. Hello!!! That’s an overnight DEPENDS pad you are strapping to your face! Take that 5 gallon Poland Spring water dispenser bottle with the bottom cut out off your head.
• What I once considered to be my natural hair color has been fully replaced with the color of a used brillo pad, only grayer and not quite as attractive.
• Not working full time isn’t as fun as I thought it would be. The life of leisure kind of blows, if you can’t play tennis.
• While trying to paint my own nails, I learned that not only am I NOT left-handed, my left hand should be arrested for defamation of character.
• The dryer works best when I put something in there that says “DO NOT PUT IN DRYER”
• TikTok is the Devil’s work.
• I draw the line at using coffee filters, doilies or lunch bags as toilet paper substitutes. That would be a DEFCON 4 situation, as discussed in Paul Ollinger’s article “Toilet Paper as Societal Barometer” — one of the more useful reads in these last weeks of information overload.

“TP DEFCON 3: Going south ( Coffee filters / Dryer Sheets) — I’m not saying the Corona Virus vacation couldn’t get scary. It sure could. But we’re not even close to the precipice until you find yourself looking at a Mr. Coffee coffee filter and thinking, “That would get the job done.” The process wouldn’t kill you, but it’s a sure sign the waters have gotten choppy.

TP DEFCON 4: Getting bad. (lunch bags / doilies). Now it’s getting real. Previous generations have endured far worse in the form of depressions, plagues, and global wars, but if dredging your netherworld with a brown paper bag is your least-bad option, life’s heading in the wrong direction.”

–Paul Ollinger

Now aside from this treasure trove of knowledge and experience I will say that there are a few things I’d like to share with you all to hopefully enrich your health and well-being.

Here are my Stay Healthy While Quarantined TIPS for TUESDAY

Box Breathing first thing in the Morning — before you reach for your phone in the morning, try a 5 minute session of Box breathing. Box breathing or four-square breathing, is a technique used to relieve stress and improve concentration by taking slow, deep breaths in the shape of a box.

WHY? Because deep breathing lowers cortisol, and lower stress hormones improves immune system function

Try to Intermittent Fast if your are at home — This just means shortening the window of eating to maybe 8 to 10 hours/day. Maybe you only eat your meals from 11AM to 7 PM. That gives you 16 hours of a fast.

WHY? Because fasting is a great way to improve your immune system. It reduces free radical damage, regulates inflammatory conditions in the body and can stimulate stem cell production of newer white blood cells (the cells that fight infection). Check out this article for more details .

Exercise at home — Try the Peloton App. No it’s not just cycling…which is painful and horrible. No judgement if you like that sort of masochism. It’s free for 90 days and has options for Strength training, running, walking, HIIT, yoga and meditation. Here are a bunch of low cost options discussed in this article from SELF. Many local fitness and yoga instructors are zooming classes for a reduced fee. Support them to keep them going and keep you fit and happy!!! If all else fails Youtube!!!

Don’t Social Distance just Physically Distance — Keep up your social activity. Video conference your peeps!!! There is more to life than FaceTime!!! Do virtual book club, virtual happy hour and virtual Tea time and get your virtual hang on ! Here are a few options. Check out this article as well for other ideas.

1. Zoom
2. Google Hangouts
3. UberConference
4. TrueConf Online
5. Skype
6. FreeConference
7. Appear.in
8. Slack Video Calls
9. Facebook Live
10. YouTube Live

Avoid looking at your phone for up to the minute updates on COVID-19. Limit your rabbit hole adventures to 30 minutes once a day. Here’s what you need to know…..

• Wash your hands for 20 seconds frequently and sing anything for those 20 seconds except the freaking Happy Birthday song twice. Wash when you get home and as often as you can when you are in public places.
• Don’t touch your face, mouth, eyes and nose. Just tape your face with a liberal amount of duct tape when you go out. That’ll teach ya to not physically distance!
• Stop going to unnecessary appointments by the way. Including all non-urgent doctor’s appointments. IF at all possible see if a Telemedicine visit can take it’s place. Obviously consult with your physician but the directive is to avoid unnecessary contact that can’t be taken care of remotely.
• If you get sick with a cold and flu-like symptoms, stay home and take care of yourself. The main reason to go to the hospital or urgent care or to an emergency room is if you are having respiratory symptoms that are severe. If you are in a high risk group, obviously contact your doctor for instructions, but please try not to overtax the health care system because you “just want to know” if it’s COVID-19. This information doesn’t change your management. And you need to avoid people no matter what you have.
• Get enough sleep please — Sleep encourages immune fighting cells to flourish. More about this with melatonin.
• Get your exercise or movement in daily — even if it’s just a walk outside but keep active. Sitting is the new smoking.
• Ease up on the sugar in your diet (including carby grains, snacks, pasta, breads, chips etc) — this dampens your immunity.
• Spend time outside in the sun — 20-30 minutes a day minimally would be great! It is super important for immune boosting.
• Take preventative vitamin support: Vitamin A 5-10,000 IU a day unless pregnant, then less than 5,000 a day, Vitamin D 5-10,000 IU a day Zinc 30 mg a day Vitamin C 1000mg 2 to 3x/day (watch out for diarrhea), NAC 000mg a day and Glutathione 200 mg 2x/day. Melatonin 10-50mg at bedtime is helpful for your pathogen fighting immune cells. Mushroom extracts are great anti-virals. Eat a ton of cooked mushrooms daily. Selenium 200mcg or 3 brazil nuts a day, Iodine 6 drops of Lugol’s solution in water daily for 3 days a month.

That’s all folks!!!!!