The moment you’ve all been waiting for….the grand finale

If you have been following this now 4 part series, you know it has been weeks of reading and waiting for the step by step, easy to follow instructions to an awesome sex life. All you need to unlock your libido is…..(record scratch)…..not so simple. Some would say, making this huge complex topic a “tip” is overly ambitious. Then again, some said that my paisley shirt and plaid tights were a fashion risk. Pictures *may* tell a different story. Who are you going to believe me or your eyes???

Let’s get to the basics

First off, I love this article called 9 Natural Ways to Improve Your Sex Life. When I was doing research for this post I came across that catchy title. Who WOULDN’T read that article? So as I was reading, I come to find that I was quoted as the “expert.” How crazy is that? I’m going to summarize the points here, but I recommend checking it out for more detail.

Make Time for Sex — You find time to schedule pilates classes, lunch dates, pedicures and teeth cleaning. Why not do the same for sex? We are all super busy and over-scheduled. No one is busier than you, right? Making a date for sex (followed by a delicious luncheon) does two things. It gives you time to mentally prepare for the activities ahead and it *may* get you in the mood if you start thinking about having sex way before it happens. Anticipation is half the battle. Finding a stunt double is the other half. I recommend spending a little time preparing for your “appointment.” Set the scene (photos). Where will you be? What will you wear? What will your partner be doing that you won’t find annoying? Will there be accessories? Can I wash my hair afterward? It all adds up to fun.

Keep an Open Mind — Studies show that people who are more open-minded, have more open attitudes about sex, and don’t get all self-critical (I’m too fat, too old, too out of shape, too ugly) experience less guilt about sex and become less inhibited. Stop those negative thoughts in their tracks and change the channel!! Get your imagination going. Check these 1000+ Beautiful Sexy pics out. You be the judge of course.

Keep Your Body Moving — Exercise improves blood flow. Genitals need blood flow for arousal and orgasm. Exercise leads to orgasms. There may be a few steps in between jumping jacks and orgasm, but you get the idea.

Get Your Sleep — Sleep improves testosterone levels which is a pretty important hormone in the libido department. Sleep also improves stress hormone levels. High stress hormones kill libido. Get 8 hours of sleep before you complain about crap libido.

Get Your Yoga On — One study showed that 40 women who practiced yoga for one hour a day achieved higher scores on a sexual function questionnaire for desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, lower pain, and overall satisfaction, according to research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.” Again, the research is clear on the whole Mind-Body-Lower-Anxiety connection to libido. Grab a mat and grab a mate!!!!

Acupuncture –Needle your way to lower stress and higher libido. That should be a tag-line no? Studies show that regular acupuncture may improve libido and arousal. So does meditation by the way. Just sayin.

Relationship Issues — If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. “If your partner repulses you, you will not want to have sex with them.” I actually may not have EVER said that out loud, but I’ve said this in my head at many a cocktail party. And on grocery lines. Or anywhere where couples are present. I don’t have a supplement or hormone or machine for that. I recommend speaking with a highly trained professional for advice. Like a hairdresser, for example. Preferably one that has been divorced at least 3 times as they seem to *really* know about relationships. That or a skilled psychologist who deals with marital and relationship issues. Either or.

Get Touched All Over. According to the AARP, a bastion of sexual advice: “From the scalp to the soles of the feet, every square inch of the body is a sensual playground…..Too many men focus on a few corners and overlook the rest….Think of sex as whole-body massage that eventually includes the genitals. Whole-body massage produces deep relaxation, which helps women (and men) have orgasms. Massage your partner gently from head to toe. Try massage lotion (available at bath and body shops). Some areas that can feel surprisingly erotic include the scalp, ears, face, neck, feet and — who knew? — the backs of the knees.” I think those AARP folks are on to something. Read this to your partner. Save the walkway of rose petals and heart shaped bath tub for “The Bachelor” and massage me dammit!!!


Here are some interventions to consider if you’ve done all the basics AND you’ve addressed any physical issues that interfere with sex such as vaginal pain, vaginal dryness, other causes of pelvic pain, anxiety, depression or medication side effects.

Try A Supplement or Two

  • Gingko Biloba — increasing blood flow is key. This herb is particularly helpful for patients that have side effects of low libido and difficulty orgasming (is that a verb?) due to anti-depressant medications (SSRI’s — prozac family). To increase desire, excitement and ability to orgasm, use 60-120mg daily. This does have mixed results in the available studies, but worth a try. Here is one that I like.
  • Maca — also known as “Peruvian Viagra” has some human studies to support increased libido. Take 1.5 to 3.5 grams a day for 2 to 12 weeks to see results. Also helpful for loss of libido related to anti-depressant use. Here is a brand with great results called Femmenescence.
  • Tribulus — One study found 88% of women experienced increased sexual satisfaction after taking 250mg a day for 90 days. Even smaller doses used on other studies helped with natural lubrication, desire and orgasm satisfaction. “I’ll have what she’s having” for those of you who recall the infamous line in “When Harry Met Sally.” This is a great brand called Tribulus Formula.
  • Fenugreek — A small study looked at the effects of 600 mg a day of fenugreek extract in women who had reported having a low sex drive. It showed a significant increase in sexual desire and arousal in the fenugreek group by the end of the eight-week study, compared to the placebo group. Now the issue is that theoretically, fenugreek may stimulate a small amount of internal hormone production so it is not recommended for patients with *active* hormone-related cancers. Fenugreek Plus is a great brand to try.
  • CBD— Yeah yeah. Here we go, another one on the CBD “magic” train. “CBD cures the common cold.” “Cures Cancer.” “Fixes dinner.” Well, please refer to my previous “Ode to CBD” blog post for details but I can tell you, Hemp works for libido. I would get a quality CBD brand — feel free to email our office to find out which ones I like ( but when it works for libido, it really works with little to no downside.

Try Hormone Replacement if Appropriate

Balancing your hormones cannot be emphasized enough. Having too much or too little makes for a tanked libido. It’s a bit complex to get into here, but hormone balancing and/or hormone replacement may be the answer for you. And I’m not just talking estrogen and progesterone. Consider that you may need testosterone and DHEA, hormones that are very important for libido. Check with your doctor to see if hormones may be right for you.

Switch out Your Libido Killing Prescription Drugs

You may want to see if the medications you are taking are killing your libido. Speak with your doctor about possible alternatives.

  • SSRI antidepressants. Sexual dysfunction can occur in over 50% of people taking the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) antidepressants. This group includes Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro and celexa.  
  • SNRI antidepressants. Used to treat depression and fibromyalgia, may have almost the same incidence of decreased desire, difficulty with arousal, and difficulty achieving orgasm as the SSRIs. These include Effexor, Cymbalta and Pristiq.
  • Heart meds.  Many heart medications can cause sexual issues, including decreased libido. This includes aldactone, digoxin, hydrochlorothiazide and chlorthalidone.
  • Clonodine is a sympathetic blocker that is often used to lower blood pressure.
  • Tagamet or Cimetidine an acid blocker can also reduce sexual interest
  • Birth control pills or hormonal IUD’s — This is a huge libido killer. Because the pill causes a rise in SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) your sex hormones, estrogen and testosterone, are removed from circulation. Consider a break from it for a few months to see if that will restore your libido.

Topical Remedies for More Arousal and Better Orgasms

There are many topical formulations affectionally named “scream creams” are made by compounding pharmacists to improve arousal and libido. These creams are applied to your genital area 20-30 minutes before having sex and work to improve blood flow and create heat locally. These ingredients often include:

  • Sildenafil
  • L-arginine
  • Pentoxyfilline
  • Testosterone

Check with your doctor to see if this would be right for you. The nice thing is that they can be used on the spot and there is no need to wait a while for things to happen. How nice is that ???

Try the EROS device

The EROS clitoral therapy device (EROS-CTD), is FDA-approved for women who experience reduced sensation, lubrication, and ability to achieve orgasm. Available by prescription, the device consists of a small vacuum pump that is placed over the clitoris to apply gentle suction to the region and increase blood flow.

The Eros therapy is a therapy that can be used every day. Many women may need to use the Eros therapy device for 4 to 6 weeks before realizing a difference in their sexual satisfaction. The company recommends using the Eros therapy 3-4 times per week, as a tissue conditioning routine.

The device was tested on 25 women, 15 of whom complained of sexual arousal disorder. Of those 15 women, all 15 experienced increased sensation, 7 reported more orgasms, 12 more satisfaction, and 11 more lubrication. Of the 10 normally functioning controls, 4 experienced more sensation, 4 improved orgasm, 2 better satisfaction and 3 more lubrication with the device. No adverse effects were reported from the device.

There ya have it people!!

Give something a whirl. Do ANYTHING differently. And don’t forget to see your doctor for more information.

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Ready for the legal disclaimer? Information offered here is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. As with any health recommendation, please contact your doctor to be sure any changes you wish to consider are safe for you!